Ethan Evans, the golden boy of the jazz trombone world and esteemed drummer of radish rock band Owoso, has had his share of run-ins with the law; but it seems
Ethan Evans, the golden boy of the jazz trombone world and esteemed drummer of radish rock band Owoso, has had his share of run-ins with the law; but it seems his years of illegal activity have finally caught up with him. Rumors of Evans’ ketchup bottle theft have been circulating the radish rock community for nearly a decade, but now the rumors have been confirmed as entirely true. Local authorities acquired a permit to search his Champaign, Illinois apartment last Tuesday, and when the police were forced to kick in the front door the smell of sour tomato paste was so overwhelming that officer on duty Turk Perkenswerther reportedly yelled, “Bad tomato! Stinky Tomato!” The scene was truly horrifying: stolen ketchup bottles stacked as tall as armpit height, a kitty pool 5/8ths full of warm ketchup, and a shirtless Ethan doing what could only have been some sort of fertility dance with ketchup packets taped over his nipples. Needless to say this was one ketchup covered pickle he couldn’t sweet talk his way out of. So after being charged for over 76 counts of ketchup bottle theft, Evans has been sentenced to 11 days in the Champaign County Penitentiary.
As soon as news of Ethan’s sentence reached the radish rock community, Louisville’s local radish rock scene began planning a way to send ole’ Ethy boy off in style. They managed to quickly organize a show at Monnick Beer Co. featuring radish rock giants The Thumps and of course Ethan’s own Owoso on the day before Ethan waves goodbye to freedom and waves hello to cold, metal toilets.
In light of Ethan’s recent charges, on the night of the show Monnick will be removing all ketchup bottles from tables and will be keeping them in a guarded safe. It is recommended that all surrounding restaurants and convenience stores take similar precautionary measures.
6:30 PM Doors
7 PM –– The Thumps
8 PM –– Owoso
$5 ALL AGES!!